Frasier was a popular sitcom which aired in the nineteens. The star of the show, Dr. Frasier Crane, was a radio psychiatrist. His catch-phrase while on the air was a simple one ‘I’m listening…’
I was reminded of this recently when a good friend of mine asked me for help. I was about to jump into the issue and share my own wisdom as a response, when I realized that I could choose between four different responses.
The first is empathy: Just listening works best when people either look for a shoulder to cry on, or a listening ear.
The second is coaching: Insightful questions lead to more insights, which provide pragmatic help.
The third is mentoring: Share the solution which in my opinion is best.
The final type is teaching: Put the request for help in a broader perspective and discuss lessons learned.
The appropriate response to a request for help really depends on the situation. If all people need is a shoulder to cry on, giving a lecture will not be helpful.
Don’t tell people what you know. Stop for a moment and use judgment to give them what they need instead.